Just When Things Can't Get Worse

I am definitely on the edge.  Every single day I think that not one more thing can happen so make me feel any worse...and then it does.  

Yesterday we needed to get out of the house.  It was cloudy and raining so I took the kids 25 minutes away to Chick-fil-a.  I didn't even realize that it had a play area until we got there.  L is almost too big for the play area.  That will be a sad day.  We spent about 2 hours there.  They played and played and had a great time.  I actually got to sit and do nothing for that whole time.  I just watched people and talked to a couple of other people.  It was pretty nice to have a few minutes to myself, if you can call it that.  Toward the end of our time there, I guess my kids started fighting in the play area.  I actually had a lady come over and tell me that they weren't being very nice to each other.  She said it so that the whole packed restaurant could hear her.  I wanted to punch her in the face.  They weren't hurting other kids, they were just acting like an exhausted brother and sister.  I think that some people need to mind their own business.  My anxiety went through the roof.  I bought the kids their ice cream and we left.

Late last night I got incredibly sick to my stomach.  It hit me so hard.  Just really nauseous and I could hardly move or the room started spinning.  For some reason that's when my kids act the worse.   This morning we got up and ate breakfast.  I hadn't slept at all last night.  I know that the sun was coming up when I finally started to drift to sleep around 6:30 am or so.  After we ate breakfast and the dog was taken care of, I went back up to lay on my bed.  And I crashed.  I know the kids came and asked me if they could go outside.  I guess that I said yes.  A little while later, they came home and said that there was a lady at the door because of something they had done.  Neither of them would even begin to tell me what happened.  So I went to the door and our nice neighbor was there to tell me what they had done.  Along the one side of our HOA there is a wooden fence that is up against the woods.  They had been over there and kicked out about 5 or 6 boards.  Guess who gets to go fix it so that we don't get a fine?  ME!!  Because I really know what I'm doing when it comes to fixing fences.  I have never been so upset.  I didn't lose my temper with them but I wanted to.  I just don't have the strength to deal with it anymore.

I'm ready to give up on life altogether.  There is only so much that someone in my condition can take.  I am all alone, no family and no friends to help me.  I just can't keep going on like this.  I don't know what my options or my next step will be.

Sincerely, Can't Keep Doing This