Upside Down

Just like that our lives are turned upside down again.  3 day notice to catch up our slightly behind rent or move out.  I'm here alone with 2 kids that are seriously trying to see how fast they can drive me insane.  And then that happens.  

I cancelled my doctor appointment for the second week in a row.  I can't even deal with going and talking to someone that is supposed to be helping me.  

I can't believe this is happening when the kids still have a month left of school.  I sat and looked at places online last night.  None of them are places that I'd even consider moving into.  They're all horrible!  

I have never been homeless.  I have never felt like there is not place for me to go.  I have never felt like if I leave my house that I'm not going to be able to get back in it.  I have never felt like I'm going to lose all that is important to me in my house.

I want to run away.  I want to go to sleep and never wake up.  I want to die but I don't want to kill myself.  I want this nightmare that is my life to be over with.